Let me be honest and real with you. This is definitely something I struggle with, more times than I'd like to admit. When your love language is 'words of affirmation' and you're a people pleaser, you thrive on validation and affirmation from others. And don't even get me started on enneagrams, because mine very much relate to this as well. But when your love language, the way you feel most loved, is through words of affirmation and validation from others, it's definitely hard to not seek it and to learn to be happy without it.
Because, let me just say that when you thrive on validation from others, you are going to be up for many disappointments in life and you are never going to be completely happy. People are never going to always and completely rise to your expectations all the time. People let us down, even the people that we are the closest to, and sometimes that's why it hurts so much sometimes. When our loved ones aren't giving us the validation and loving us the way we need to be loved, that can be the hardest pill to swallow.
I can't help but seek validation at times because it is the way that I feel the most loved. I want to feel loved and appreciated for who I am and what I do. Sometimes I just want to feel like I'm seen and heard. And sometimes I long for it so much that I feel myself becoming so down when I'm not validated in the way that I thought I would be or in the way I wanted to be. It's definitely not a good feeling to feel left out and forgotten about, I get it! But something I'm learning more and more with time is to not have too high of expectations, or expectations, period, when it relates to how I expect someone to react to me, especially in the sense of validation from others.
Something very important I'm also learning with time and practice is to seek validation from my Heavenly Father, instead of from others. We have to learn to be happy with our own self-worth and with our own personal validation in the way we feel about ourselves. We have to learn to be happy in who God created us to be and not care what others think about us. We also have to realize that if we're not receiving the validation we need to feel loved by others, that it doesn't mean we aren't loved. We're loved so greatly by our Heavenly Father, and that is the greatest love of all! And that love should truly be enough! The reason may very well be that our loved ones just don't know the way we need and long to be loved. Maybe it just takes some conversations and awareness of each others' needs in this crazy life, and then the effort to strive to love each other fully in the ways we all need to be loved.
Not thriving on validation, when you constantly seek it and need it to keep going, isn't going to happen over night. It's a constant battle and I'm still fighting that battle from time to time. It takes practice. It takes a new awareness...the awareness that no one's opinion truly matters in the big scheme of things...the awareness that our worth doesn't come from others...the awareness that our worth comes from Christ....the awareness that having high expectations without communication in relationships is a hinderance and only leads to more hurt and disappointment...the awareness that you're never going to receive the validation you want or need all the time, and that has to be okay....and the awareness that you can't let all of that stand between your ability to be happy and live life to the fullest because you're always striving for perfection and worried about being judged by others if you're not.
We have to move past caring what everyone else thinks, and worry more about what we think about ourselves and what we believe Christ would think about us and our actions. We have to learn to be okay with the validation that solely comes from Christ, no matter how hard that may be when we long for our earthly family to show us their love and appreciation for us. We have to be confident in who God created us to be.
I challenge you to not care about receiving satisfaction from others, to seek your love and validation from God by reading His promises and talking with Him through prayer, to not let others bring you down when you feel left out, forgotten, or unloved in the moment, and to work on being content and happy in the present, in the life God has planned for you, and in who He created you to be.
Love Always,
Jessy Marie
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